Courage Or Fear?



Finally, I'm into "I Almost Forgot About You" by Terry McMillan. I was still lost in the world of "Who Asked You?" by same author. Now, I have all these wonderful quotes and themes popping up around me from the author's newest novel. After thinking about friendship for a little bit, I'm thinking about courage while tasting the slice of Key Lime pie beside me. Yes, courage  always alludes me while cowardice finds me with ease.

 Terry McMillan seems to have changed in this novel. Maybe she's gathering up all of life and trying to make a statement about men and love, etc. Since I'm not in that place, I became lost at the first chapter. I became a little bit angry with Terry McMillan. What right did she have to go in a different direction than I the little reader expected? Thank goodness, I put those expectations away and settled in for the restaurant talk with Michael which is a very interesting type of strategic battle with polite boxing gloves on the table or off the table. While I try to emotionally taste everything at this place before leaving, I listen closely to their conversation.

Meanwhile there is this particular quote that stays with me this morning. I feel like writing two columns on folded eight by eleven paper and listing the times I've shown courage and the times I haven't shown it. Anyway, Terry Mcmillan's words give me the right not to know all the answers. It's alright to rest with omissions for a while. For me, this quote is personal. It fits my gender. I am woman. Aren't women always portrayed as in the middle of the ocean somewhere and not predictable? It's an old stereotype, but I've lived it, done it.

In a way, I feel found. If you don't know who or where you are, aren't you closer to the answer you're seeking? Am I befuddled? Okay, I need to go back and rejoin Georgia who is thinking about place now. I also need to get back with Terry Mcmillan who has written a rich dedication page with quotes about the past and present and gifts filled with darkness. Who are you this time, Terry Mcmillan? I hope you can help me find myself because I'm confused whether to allow the past to lie buried or shovel it up and dig through it. Will the past help me understand this present that is moving more rapidly than I can type the words? Maybe I should spank my hand and leave those "ghosts" six feet under.

I am grateful the author is not afraid to meet herself in words. I count six "I's" in this quote alone. I've read to lose "me" while writing. I try, and sometimes it just won't go away. It's like an albatross trying to land on my shoulder. Go away, you! Come back another time, a time when I'm braver.

'"I don't know what I'm going to do, but I do know I want to do something I haven't done before and maybe go somewhere I haven't been." 
 


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